If I had a nickel for every garden cliché I’ve ever heard…

If I had a nickel for every garden cliché I’ve ever heard…
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Guest Rant by Amy Campion

Like thistles invading a garden, hackneyed phrases have seeded themselves into garden writing and need to be rooted out.

They choke out good prose and distract from the message.  What’s more, they really irk me.  If you write about gardening, I beg you to weed these expressions from your vocabulary:

Magnolia macrophylla: a Southern magnolia on—don’t say it!

“Plant x is like plant y, on steroids.”  Please, please—if nothing else—let this one go.  It hasn’t been clever in 30 years.  I know you can think of something better.

“Plant x blooms for months.  Like the Energizer bunny, it just keeps going, and going…”  *groan*  Do you still have a pager?  A VCR?  We’ll be happy to have you join us in the 21st Century when you’re ready.

“Plant x (something tall and skinny) is an exclamation point in the landscape.”  I like this expression, but it has been hijacked by so many writers that it’s becoming trite.  Use with caution.

Speaking of exclamation points, don’t pepper your writing with them.  They make it hard for me to take you seriously!  They make me feel like I am reading a 10 year-old’s diary!  Mark Twain said using exclamation points is like laughing at your own joke.  Don’t laugh at your own joke.  (Tweets, status updates, and the like are a little different.  In those contexts, exclamation points have firmly ensconced themselves.)

Unless you’re five years old, please don’t refer to deer as “Bambis”.

Silver maple gets no respect.

“Plant x is the Rodney Dangerfield of plants.”  *cringe*  If you’re going to reference stand-up from the ‘70s, at least make it Richard Pryor or George Carlin.

Let’s retire the phrase, “I’d plant x even if it never flowered.”  Show your readers that you know other ways of saying a plant has nice foliage.

Keep anthropomorphizing under control.  “Plant x resents disturbance.”  “Tolerates shade.”  “Hates wet feet.”  “Doesn’t play well with others.”  A sprinkling of such phrases is harmless, but if you begin to catch yourself referring to plants as “he” or “she”, realize that you may have a problem.

Yes, goldenrod is our friend. I heard you the first time.

And, I suppose there are always new gardeners coming along who don’t know it, but please don’t tell me again that goldenrod doesn’t cause hay fever.  Okay, okay.  I get it.

 After working 16 years at a wholesale/retail nursery near Cincinnati, Ohio, Amy Campion now avoids clichés like the plague at What Blooms When.

Posted by

Amy Campion

on April 17, 2014 at 6:15 am, in the category Guest Rants, It’s the Plants, Darling.


    • admin
    • 9th September 2015

    “… please don’t tell me again that goldenrod doesn’t cause hay fever.”

    • Amy Campion
    • 12th September 2015

    Xris, I suppose out of all of these overused phrases, the defense of goldenrod is most deserving of staying in the vocabulary. I just find it funny how 99.9% of articles discussing goldenrod start out with this clarification. Why not start off with how much monarch butterflies and other pollinators love it? Or that you can dye with it? Or how its blooms come in late summer and fall, when most gardens need a boost?

    • Tracy
    • 16th May 2016

    Amy, most articles start out with the clarification that goldenrod doesn’t cause hayfever because it is the most common misperception about this plant and if this isn’t addressed, no one will read further. So much of your article is just judgemental flap. You know what my pet peeve is? Writers who feels that just because they have a bit of knowledge, everyone else is required to be as informed or they don’t measure up. Such a self indulgent approach to writing for the masses. Judge that.

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